When You Have to Say "No" - It's Getting Easier but it's Still Not Easy

I’ve always had a hard time saying no. I’m a people pleasure to a fault — personally, professionally, to the person on the street who wants me to take a survey, even to the Girl Scouts who smile and ask so nicely if I want to buy a box of Thin Mints— in those instances I try to cross the street before our eyes lock, otherwise I’m a goner. 

I know there is a whole science behind saying “no.” I’ve read the articles, watched the videos, even looked at quotes about the beauty of saying no, but when it’s my time to step up I often say, “yes” when I want to say, “no.”

Case in point is my 95-year-old-dad. He’s been at an assisted living facility since late last year and he wants to come home. My sister and I pushed back a few weeks ago citing COVID, the weather and care he would need at home. Luckily we were backed up by friends and family and he acquiesced and seemed to settle in a bit but he’s back on his quest to come home. 

There are a million reasons he should stay in assisted living but he doesn’t want to see them, doesn’t want to acknowledge them and is pushing to leave. 

When my sister and I were little he’d do this — just barrage us until we gave in. He was relentless and we grew tired of fighting him. Those were usually about doing our chores, or watching him run another marathon, but this time it’s literally his health and wellbeing that’s at stake. 

My sister and I have talked through every scenario he’s likely to use this Tuesday when we have one of those challenging ‘family meetings.’ 

While we’re still the daughters and he’s still the parent our roles and our responsibilities have shifted. It’s hard to disappoint someone you love. In the same way that our parents used to say, “no” to something they deemed dangerous or foolish we now have to step up and say, “no.”

We know that saying “no” is the best thing we can do for our dad. So, on Tuesday we’re going to step up, be the rational ones, the safe ones, and put his wellbeing first even if he doesn’t like it. I’m also going to bring him that box of Thin Mints I have stored away…