My Challenging Narcissist

My dad is challenging. I mean CHALLENGING. So many of you see him for an hour or two once a week, once a month, once a year, and he's so charming, so connected, his big smile can light up a room - I totally get it - I totally fall for it over and over again and I love that you find him this way - it's of course how I want to see him. The reality is that he's frustrated he's old, frustrated he's lonely, frustrated he can't drag a sofa up a flight of stairs (true story - he pulled a couch up the stairs - a sectional I might add!) and frustrated people don't come around as much or call as much as they used to. 

I do get it - he's lost a lot of control, he's lost a lot of independence, he's lost connections with friends, family and neighbors - but instead of reaching out and calling people he sits alone. Those friends don't come around because he doesn't give back, he doesn't reciprocate. He asks about us or our day so rarely that I'm gobsmacked when he does ask. It's all about him. Any mention of a person, place or thing and he finds a way to tie it back to him - it's a bit of an art form but that doesn't make it any less exhausting, any less narcissistic. So I do get why people have stopped calling, stopped reaching out. When he would talk like this my mother used to say, (as she walked away from him), "Ben, you're the center of your own universe." Wiser words were never spoken.