The (Older) “Man Cold”
My dad has a cold. Simple, right? I mean, come on, it's a cold. But Benjamin with a cold is like a challenging person to begin with, having the flu. He's morose, down, and so, so crabby. Late Thursday afternoon he insisted he needed to go to Urgent Care - I responded, still lovingly at this point, "I think it's just a cold." Shaking his low hanging head, he said, "No, no, it's something more. You know, last year I had bronchitis." (Oh, I remember, I thought. It was 10 below zero and Frank and I walked around the block repeatedly to shake off the stress...)
"Are you having trouble breathing?" "No."
"Are you spitting up yellow (sorry readers)?" "No."
"Do you have a fever?" "No."
"Do you have body aches?" "No."
"Do you have trouble sleeping, eating, drinking?' "No. No. No."
"Urgent Care can't do anything for a cold. They'll just tell you to rest, drink plenty of fluids (he drinks a pot of coffee a day/and on a good day, maybe four tiny sips of water) and tell you, obviously, if it gets worse to go to the ER."
"Maybe they have some new ideas," he said, his voice low, his head hanging even lower. I didn't have the heart to point out that if a cure for the common cold had been discovered we would all know. That said, I do know a cold in an older adult can be deadly so of course we headed to Urgent Care - now the third time in as many months that we've raced either to the ER or Urgent Care.
A lovely nurse, who he flirted with (just ick on so many levels and he's obviously not too sick to flirt), and a very kind doctor pronounced after a full exam and a chest Xray, I might add, 'You have a cold, Mr. Squires. Get plenty of rest, drink lots of fluids and get an over the counter saline spray for your nose."
Okay, I missed the saline spray - I own that one, and I won't miss it again. Meredith Masony of the TODAY Parenting Team and That’s Inappropriate has a fantastic video of her response to The man cold vs. the mom cold - it's must see viewing for anyone dealing with a man with a cold.
There are no easy answers for what's really going on with my dad. He's fundamentally lonely but he won't do anything to change his situation. He has the dexterity and cognitive ability to change his situation but he prefers to wallow in self pity and treat a cold like his life is ending. He's dangerously close to being labeled the man who cried wolf.
I know something at some point will claim him but his foreshadowing of some deadly disease that's going to take him out is beyond challenging. All I know today is that we're stuck with a man with a 'man cold.' Time for another walk around the block.
