Still Missing My Dad
I had a really lovely dad, he could also be the most challenging person in the world, but mostly he was lovely. It’s interesting how time and space reminds you more of the happy moments. Even the challenges that dad constantly presented, and I mean daily, including this nugget of him up on a ladder - age90+ that now give me pause and make me smile and miss him even more.
One of my best friend’s lost her dad the other day and it’s triggered a lot for me. I’ve known her dad for a long time and like mine, he was tough as nails, he could be so lovely and so engaged and he could also be challenging.
A couple years ago he was visiting for the holidays and our family was invited to their holiday dinner. Towards the end of the evening my friend and I found ourselves sitting at the dinning room table across from our dads. It’s one of those moments that I wished we‘d somehow captured. The four of us had the most amazing, honest and frankly enjoyable conversation maybe we ever had. My dad had helped my friend get her start in public health in Chicago, as was his way. He loved nothing more, except maybe running, or endlessly working on the house, then connecting people and helping them find their way. To him it was what you did; you helped, he did it countless times for our friends but I don’t think anyone ever expressed how much his help meant to them until that night. My friend thanked him, but it was more than a polite thank you - his support and guidance had helped her become the public health professional she is today and she needed him to know how much his help meant to her. As she talked, I watched her dad beaming with pride. He was already so incredibly proud of his daughter, her achievements and how she lived her life, but in that moment his daughter was all the things you want your kids to grow up and become - she was polite, humble, grateful, appreciative, generous and kind. It’s one of my fondest memories.
On the drive home and for at least a week later my dad brought up the conservation every chance he got. He hadn’t realized how much my friend appreciated him, and my mom. He was so grateful that she was so grateful. I hadn't seen him that joyful in years.
My friend and I have talked about that night many times and many more since my dad passed. How lucky we were to have been in that lovely sweet bubble of conversation and joy, gratitude and compassion.
Today as we celebrate dads, I think of mine with such a full heart and I ache for my friend. There will come a time when her memories will make her smile but not today. I know we’ll talk again and again about that night with our dads and we’ll shed a lot of tears and we’ll smile a lot and I think it will stay one of our fondest memories.
