Finding Gratitude for the Muses
Photo by @joshboot_ @unsplash
It felt like cheating. I’d be stuck, staring at that crappy sentence or even worse, the mostly blank page, and I’d pick up a book and scroll to a dog-eared page and read something that moved me. I’d use the energy and emotion of one of those golden sentences to write my own next sentence. It definitely gave me momentum but looking for inspiration at every turn took a crazy amount of time and completely messed with my mojo! Totally unsustainable.
I knew what I was trying to do but I missed the mark. I was looking for inspiration from my tribe of muses: Alexandra Fuller, Mary Karr, Dorothy Allison, Maya Angelou, Anne Lamott, Joan Didion, Zora Neale Hurston and Barbara Kingsolver but I felt like I was letting them down by not being able to do it on my own.
When reading those golden sentences stopped working I’d go to book signings and author talks. When that energy stilled I’d search NPR, YouTube and Ted Talks. There was always someone to read, watch, listen or learn from, but with each new learning I was changing my writing, starting from scratch and not trusting my own voice.
Enter, yep, Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic. There is something about this writer, about this book. She is clean and crystal clear. She’s not trying to be perfect and yet somehow the advice she gives is perfectly suited for me.
I’ve read and reread Big Magic a couple times, underlining and dog-earing my way through its quick and quirky chapters.
My own “big magic” now comes from showing up every day, forcing that discipline to become a welcome habit, knowing the process isn’t easy, but knowing that I must trust my voice.
Yes, I still reread my favorites — there’s nothing like Mary Karr’s The Liars’ Club to help pull my own story out but this time it doesn’t feel like cheating. I’m grateful my muses stick with me and allow me to continue to gain something new every time I read their work.
Elizabeth Gilbert asks, “Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?” You know what, Liz, I finally have my courage. Thanks for the sage advice. I hope you don’t mind I’ll be adding you to my list of muses.
